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Introducing the hottest game sweeping the land – Just How Good Is My Team

And everyone knows Kirk beats SpockIt’s time to play – Just How Good Is My Team!*

The idea of the game is to bring relief and a false sense of superiority to college football fans who witness their team lay an egg. It is based on the accepted belief that when you play one team, you also play all the other teams that team has played. (aka. the Herpes Theory). Mark the interconnected wins to prove your team is better than some other team, regardless of actual performance on the field.

JHGIMT consists of 242 Division I football schedules, three national polls, Sagarin power ratings and an impoverished sense of self-worth (aka Western Carolina pride). Adult beverages are not required, but do enhance the sense of validation by game’s end.

The following criteria must be met for a team to earn self-esteem through JHGIMT play. They include:

– No losing streak longer than two games
– Minimum .500 winning percentage at home
– Regular appearances every Sunday morning on ESPN’s BottomLine

Further restrictions may be added at your discretion, specifically when one particular team trumps your winning formula.

Select a team. Find its schedule and mark the opponents it has defeated. Advance through each of these defeated teams’ schedules and mark their victories, with emphasis on teams with a national ranking, Heisman candidate or membership in the Big Ten. Continue funneling through schedules marking winners until you find a trail to validate how good you think your team really is. Results may very. If your game play lasts longer than four hours, see a physician. (aka. The ACC Clause)

JHGIMT may be played at any time. Mid-season conclusions are subject to change as the season progresses, but can still aid in justifying trash talk after a disappointing AP ranking or sudden upset. A recent SEC column offers a real-time 2007 JHGIMT round of play:

Wofford beat Appalachian State, who beat Michigan, who beat Penn State. Since NC State beat Wofford, doesn’t that technically mean UCF, who beat the Wolfpack, has to be ranked higher than Michigan and Penn State? If you really want to do this right you AP voters, then it goes UCF, NC State, Wofford, Appalachian State, Michigan, Penn State, in that order. Instead, Penn State is 21st. Michigan, with 21 votes, is 31st, and UCF, with four votes, is 35th.

For Central Florida fans, instant validation. For Penn State fans, not so much.

JHGIMT is best played at the conclusion of the college football regular season, or the figurative end of your team’s season (Conference USA fans may begin play at any time). Results are then conclusive. The 2006 college football season offers an example of such play:

Appalachian State beat Montana State, who beat Colorado, who beat Iowa State, who beat Missouri, who beat Mississippi, who beat Vanderbilt, who beat Georgia, who beat Auburn, who beat BCS champion Florida.

Thus, it is established scientific fact that App State was, in 2006, the true daddy of all Division I.

JHGIMT is designed to entertain with no guarantee of real substance (much like the BCS). Its results exist primarily in the minds of those who insist one-on-one, on-field performance is vastly overrated (again, much like the BCS).

* Not recommended for ages 12 and under, Northwestern fans or Lee Corso.

One Comment

  1. Jordi

    September 30, 2007 at 3:10 pm

    Hey I prefer taking a team's only win following it through to a defeat of the supposed National Champion, making it count for something. That's why I crowned the Eastern Michigan Eagles the 06 champs in January in my blog.

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